


uHH, nO HOMO,,,?

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2379749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bonus Round 7 fill for the HSWC. </p>
<p>Tavros has been unsuccessfully trying to impress Dave by getting sex ideas from porn sites. Inspired by <a href="http://hs-worldcup.dreamwidth.org/21508.html?thread=6149380#cmt6149380">this art.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	uHH, nO HOMO,,,?

Dave opened the door. He was dreading it. He'd been dreading it every time Tavros had come over since the pizza plumber incident. Cargo shorts. Pink polo shirt with a popped collar. Backwards baseball cap. "Oh god." Did he raid Bro's closet or something.

"Uh. Hey, dude. Bro. Do you, uh, maybe want to hang and, uh, bro out? No homo?" Tavros looked confused and in deep thought, like he was trying to remember a script.

"Tavros. What are you doing? What is this?"

"Just trying to, uh, spend some quality bro time. With my fellow, umm, totally heterosexual dude pal. No... uh... no homo."

Dave sighed, letting Tavros in. "Yeah. Just come in before someone sees you."

"Thanks... brah." Tavros entered and then sprawled on the couch. "Do you have any... uh... Pabtststs Blue Ribbon. And we can, uh, play a Halo? Did you know sun bears don't hibernate? No homo."

"Yeah. No. I didn't. I didn't know that. Are you the Zaboomafoo dudes' younger asshole frat brother or what? Like..."

"Haha! Dude, have you ever thought about, uh, rubbing one out. Like. Uh. With another guy. No homo."

"Yes. Yeah. I have. We've done that. You and I. That is a thing we have done. Can I get another Zoobooks fact?"

"Yeah. Totally!" Tavros was thrilled at how receptive Dave was. He'd finally pressed the right buttons. "Asian black bears can be very aggressive toward humans. No homo."

"Oh. Yeah. Really? That's really fascinating." Dave sat down. "Tavros."

"I don't know, dude. I've never sucked... uh... dick. Before. But. Uh. I could. No homo."

"You have sucked dick. And very homo. So homo. We are homo, Tavros! What the fuck is this thing you're doing though?"

Tavros sighed, taking off his hat and setting it on the end table. "Is it not working?"

"No. Whatever this is. It isn't working. Just like pizza plumber. Just like poolboy housewife. And my landlord is still pissed about the gloryhole. As is my neighbor. So, you're what? A douchebag zoologist?"

Tavros's bottom lip trembled. "It's just... I want to do a fantasy thing with you. Like you did for me with the rival Fiduspawn trainer thing. And the Pupa Pan roleplay. But all these websites! Uh. They just aren't helping! I tried straight college guy who gets, uh, gayed. And... and... why do these sites always talk about bears? There are never any, uh, any bears!"

"Dude. Different kind of bear. Also I'm not into that shit. Just ask me. I asked you. I wasn't gonna show up in a fairy dress unannounced without you saying you'd be into that. You just need to find out what I like." Dave sighed. "Come here, you ass disaster."

Tavros scooted over and Dave exposed his collar, then kissed his cheek. "Do you have any more bear facts though? Those were pretty fun."

"Polar bears ask each other for things using nose-to-nose greetings."

"Ohhhh yes. That is where it's at. Take me now!" Dave smirked.

"Okay, uh, yeah. But what do you actually like?"

Dave paused. "Uh. Hmm. Okay. So. Have you ever heard of Bad Dragon?"


End file.
